Tuesday, December 22, 2009
A toast.
To the lost, dazed, & confused.
To being surround by the unfamiliar.
Shit out of luck and thinking what the fuck?
To change.
Cheers!
12/18/2009
The things you never wanted or thought of doing with your ex you find yourself doing with the new.
That is how it usually goes... cases and points can be found in almost anyone who has ever been in a serious relationship.
It showcases the true ability to for a person to change through time and trial.
You can be a rock or water don't fight change against yourself or others. People change all the time and most want to be better than they were, its' not one's place to judge and stipulate that change.
If you let them they have the potential to be everything you want or something you couldn't even imagine.
Posted at 10:13 pm by onalilrampage
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Sui Generis
I am a very expensive Chinese Trick Box.
Not one of those cheap knock offs you would buy at an airport kiosk
because you didn't take the time to buy a real souvenir.
I am a tucked away hard to find specialty store,
hand crafted with blood, sweat, and tears,
VERY expensive Chinese Trick Box.
My mechanism is evolutionary with time,
always with the latest and greatest the World has to offer.
It takes a person of a certain caliber to even recognize me.
I must be approached with caution
and thorough thought,
brute force will do nothing but break it,
and by "it"
I mean you
and
any chances you may have had
of ever opening me up.
Because I am also
an indestructible Chinese Trick Box
However, if you do it right
inside you will find two things.
One, an inscription,
"Fuck falling I prefer to fly" J
Two, a plane.
From there,
me and my love plane
will take you to heights and sights
that will make you a new man. Posted at 07:59 pm by onalilrampage
I desire for a clear mind. However, I keep allowing myself to fill it up with things that I should know better than to let in. In the last 5-6 years I’ve learned insurmountable things, I know for a fact that I am a changed woman. With time, comes new experiences, honed maturity skills, growth.
This past weekend I noticed a splinter in my side. From the looks it, it’s made a home in me and has been there a while. As it goes now that I notice it, it is starting to itch and bother me in ways I can’t explain and nearly stand. It is small, remnants of a once larger problem. It is reminding me of my past, in ways I do not particularly like to think about. I try to rationalize it but really I just need to rip it out. Then it’ll be done, completely gone from me. I don’t know when I’ll do it though, I just know it will be on or before the 19th of this month or maybe by this Wednesday. December 9th, 2009 that day is the day my road will split into two and I will chose one or the other. I’ve already chosen actually, I am just waiting and hoping it will come that day.
It’s a big project that I will force my way into and it involves relocating to Southern California; A place that I’ve never taken kindly to but at this point I welcome the change with open arms. I have wanderlust, itchy feet, and I want to sprint into the unknown. I want to be surrounded by the unfamiliar, new corners for my wild mind to explore. I want to do this with a sound mind, one that answers only to me. I desire to hold no ones hand even though my sheets may tell a different story as of late, haha.
I have to rip it out! I have to! Before I begin to forget the reasons of why I wanted this in the first place. AH!!! Posted at 07:33 pm by onalilrampage
Thursday, March 18, 2004
Visions of A Wild America by the National Geograhic Society. It was so kind of him. I love Mr. Wong, not only is he intelligent but his mind speaks and entices wonder in all that surrounds him. He is definitely one of those few great teachers we have left in this dwindling American Education System. I shall look into those "honoring great teacher's society," I would be honored to be able to nominate him. "The earth is….living poetry like the leaves of a tree which precede flowers and fruit, ---not a fossil earth, but a living earth," -Henry David Thoreau, Walden. A quote from my new book. It's a book of the collected thoughts and theories from the world's best ecologists. I will try and make a point to post the outcome of this new endeavor.
I'm sulking in the irony that I attend high school yet I encompass more effort in essaying intellectual connections with teachers, then I do with my own peers. Most likely because of the fact that I am in high school and sophisticated intellectuality as such just isn't viable with that of my fellow peers, most of them any ways...there's always those unique few, (i.e. Megan & Julie). It's a shame though, that because of my social conceitedness that I can't fully enjoy "those school" spirited events like fantastics and prom. However, I'm not one of those anti-spirited social outcasts either. I played quarterback one year for my class powder puff competition, that was fun, and I went to prom and that was as enjoyable as well. I also plan on going this year, although I am weary and find the whole notion of having that "perfect prom dress and date" completely nonsense and nothing but lame tradition, I am going! And my ultimate highly thoughtful and unjustified reason is a prestigious "just cause…" Because I don't really want to but I should "just cause." It's prom, it's once in a lifetime, and it's only three hours of my otherwise routine regime spent conquering books and the intellectually challenged ways of society. I can spare three hours of that, much more one Saturday night out of the 52 given Saturday's in a year that would otherwise go unorthodox. Who knows? Maybe these frankly overrated and vain events of the whole high school experience could actually prove beneficial to me somehow. I'm pondering that 'somehow…'
And now I am off to write my long awaited and dually well procrastinated essay.
Posted at 06:28 pm by onalilrampage
Sunday, March 14, 2004
I woke up this morning around 7:30am. Took a shower and then headed off towards Megan's house. We did the chit and the chat as we gathered things for our venture to the beach. Sun block, towels, reading material, fruit, shades, suits, and H2O, all check. We did a run by the gas station, which is where I realized I had forgotten to talk to Mike, before he left back for Georgia.
The ride over was nice. We talked of politics, friends, family, sex, philosophy, and school. We kept the topic of discussion pretty broad and limitless. It's what I love most of the woman. When we got there it was perfect, we did some walking then we had to go buy her some flip-flops cause she hadn't anticipated on her new sandals from payless not working out. We also decided to go ahead and grab an early lunch considering neither of us caught breakfast that morning. I had Mahi Mahi charbroiled and Megan had pasta. It was very good. My fish was kind of dry but overall not too shabby. I got to see all the nooks and crannies of the boardwalk and what not. In addition, look at cute surfer boys. It was a fun expedition. Then we went swim suit shopping, I am ideal as always in suit shopping so it was understandable that I would end up with nothing from that venture. But Megan got a very flattering black top to match with her black bottoms. We then proceeded with number one on the list. Go make out with the sun. The beach was so relaxing. Beyond so, it was just completely tranquil, the surf was flat so we weren't too sad about not bring the surfboard. We both fell in and out of catnaps while talking nonsense. Then we had one of our 'many' random moment questions, "if you were to get pregnant right now, would have an abortion or not?" It was a scary question. First of all it's just always been a thing with me, to never bring a child into the world that doesn't have a set home both emotionally and physically. I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that when I brought my child into this world, I was completely unprepared. But to have an abortion that is something that would most likely scar me for life. The whole procedure of an abortion for one, it s horrid one…and not even to mention the emotional effects and damages after it. I just hope that I never have to deal with that ever. So, my answer more or less is I don't know. I'd think of just having it and giving it up for adoption but there are even faults in that. Sigh aside from that, we have made some more plans tomorrow to go to the PP. That's going to be somewhat nerve reckoning for me, or rather just a big step up. I wonder if we will have time to work out tomorrow or go jogging. I certainly hope so.
Posted at 08:36 pm by onalilrampage
Thursday, March 11, 2004
The dead lying lifeless
In smoke
In fire
In silence
In a news article photograph
In a title
In the name of a politicians next cause to fame and favor
While the phones in their pockets go ringing off by the calls of their loved ones
All in vain
That’s what I see when I think of Spain. It’s a sad story. An old saying "stories turn into legend, legend into myth and the morals of the stories are bent, broken, and shattered, and at last forgotten..." My apologies for sounding so pessimistic, it just makes me want to weep, out of sadness and out of anger. I just don't understand it.
© March2004 onalilrampage Posted at 11:34 pm by onalilrampage
Sunday, March 07, 2004
Here we are once again indulging in a self-retreat. I spent Sunday afternoon roaming the streets of Santana Row, God I love that place. It was one of the warmest days we've had in weeks, that I was actually perspiring, lightly any ways...not trying to be gross, I never sweat but then again I was fighting a nasty flu that weekend. Probably shouldn't have been out, but I had to…I just couldn't resist.
The birds were out and about singing their tunes and the sun was at high arrest with the gorgeous blue sky while sounds of live bands paraded the warm spring air. I stood next to a fountain for a couple of minutes drinking in the scenery and listening to a band, it was a great mix of the Romantic Barry White, Jamaican Style.
I as hard as it may seem came there for a reason, I wanted to read and study at my favorite bookstore. What I hadn't anticipated on however was that they had a live artist there as well. A great live artist, his name is Jason. And I could hardly study, with his beautiful hypnotic voice dancing around the room.
The place was full of open laptops, books and minds. Moments pasted listening to Jason's guitar and lovely voice and out of the corner of my eye stood out a short and stout little Japanese man holding a plate of condiments to garnish the corn dog in this other hand. It was a full house and he seemed somewhat drawn to the music, wanting to stay and listen. So, out of courtesy I had offered him one of the two vacant chairs at my table. It was accepted with a shy smile of gratitude. And my sister and I just continued on with our reading as he watched the strings of the guitar. Moments later a woman whom I assumed was his wife came to join him, she was tall, with blonde hair and hazel eyes, very pretty and they made such a cute couple. I wondered if I would ever have someone to grow old together like that spending our weekends roaming bookstores together, listening to anonymous musicians.
After several hypnotic songs and being cajoled by the woman whom was sharing the table with me who just coincidentally happened to be his Jason's step mom, meaning that oddly drawn to the music man I had been insidiously observing was the musician's father. I felt somewhat toyed with by fate. None the less, his step mom was good; I ended up buying two of his CD's.
Jason's music was so good I just had to meet him, and I did… He was a nice guy, told me some stories of how he first started out and took down my e-mail address. Then I returned to converse with his parents. I was so awed at sitting next to his father and watching the pride and joy in his eyes I was compelled to write a poem.
Watching his son
Elbows propped upon the round table
Both feet on the ground
One foot strumming to the beat
Both hands clasped
Three fingers strumming to the words
One head high above the rest
One chin nodding to the best
Watching his son And then I signed my name on the napkin on which I had created it on and handed it to Jason's dad before I left.
Posted at 02:20 pm by onalilrampage
Thursday, March 04, 2004
Never in my life have I been surrounded by such chaos. Or really when in my life haven't I been surround by chaos. This is just more than the usual drama that I would ever allow in my life. I'm not one for gossip and I believe "Personal Business" should stay just that, but one can only hope and expect so much out of life. Just when I saw a light at high school finally ended it goes to prove me that the "high school"environment is a very powerful force and reaches beyond the compounds of it's edifice. People have a habit of disappointing me, or maybe I just have a habit of surrounding myself with disappointing people. I feel like a broken record, that is not only out of date, but out of tune. Can a record go out of tune??? Well if not than I feel like a piano with a record player build into it. Therefore I a both broken and out of tune. Ha-ha! I'm in a transitional phase right now. I'm 18 and between failing school, raising my brother and sister, work, and dealing with my up's and down's. It's been really easy to just forget the things that one ought to be doing. Like what I want to be, what college I'm going to, what I want, and I've been doing so much for others this past year, that I've completely forgotten about myself. And the consequences have never been more severe. I got excepted to a UC but I'm not surprised if they were to take it back. And to be frank I don't really care. All I care about it is Berkeley and that's obviously not happening. So, I think I'll just go to a JC for two years. One might say, "hey, take what you can get," and I'd say, "aren't I?" So that I can get what exactly it is that I want. Life's an adventure, it's amazing how adventures turn into stories, stories into legend....legend into myth...and the morals of the stories are bent, broken, and shattered, and at last, forgotten...
Posted at 07:17 pm by onalilrampage
Friday, February 27, 2004
1st period, I and the rest of my English class became ridiculously consumed in a race to finish this word search for in-order reward points of up to ten. I was the tenth so I received one point. Haha.
2nd period, the physics test went alright I think I did rather well in BS-ing my way through the essay questions.
3rd period today and the last two-three days have been rather amusing, Mr.Yip must've gotten laid for the first time since his last kid or something I imagine.
4th Period I and the class learned how to kill a human being. Tai-kwon Do is pretty cool.
5th Period we finished The Candidate, it's a pretty good movie, I like it as much as I could managed to focus on it with all the eye candy I had to distract me. After school, I had found a nice person waiting for me to come to my car, for I had left my lights on all day, and as he suspected by batteries were dead, so he stayed to help me out. The whole time he waited he didn't know who the car had belonged to, just out of the goodness of his own heart. What a good Samaritan. We got some jumper cables and before you know it my car was up and running again. His name is Nathan. Thanks Nathan. While I was pulling into the parking-lot at the mall to pick up my check I say boyfriend Alex. He looked pissed, and later my assumption proved to be correct. He had his $300 phone stolen out of his own pocket, while he was cutting school and stoned. So, I suppose it's self explanatory. I couldn't even touch him while we were walking, that pissed me off. I went to pick up my check and he said he'd be ten minutes he's gonna go get another phone. I waited for what was eternity and well I just said fuck and started for my car. And look there he was pulling out with his car. I dropped his work schedule for next week and walked to my car. I really wanted to go out tonight but I guess not, considering his mood and the fact he didn't want to. Then I went to the bank to open up an account and went for the Free Checking Account with Washington Mutual. I am a satisfied customer. Alex ended up calling me later from his new $240 phone and was on his way to a party to get drunk and what not. It was a short conversation. I don't know why I'm bugging for, if I was planning to break up with him anyways. I guess I was just hoping that somehow we'd manage to find some solid common ground and it'd fixed my insecurities of our relationship and I guess I still am. Considering my circumstances, I thought it was logical and fair. I hate it when he's PMS-ing!
Posted at 08:19 pm by onalilrampage
Thursday, February 26, 2004
It poured for the majority of the day. Math was actually amusing, Physics dreadful, English was irritating as usual thanks to the half-ass excuse of a teacher, Government was interesting I like the film we are watching in there. School was overall normal. Megan and I had a talk during lunch on how I need to get my shit together and what not. And it was a good talk, I love our talks her opinions are so different from other people and I appreciate them and the fact that I never have to find myself explaining myself or my thoughts much when I'm around her cause we are always on the same page. I'm fatigued, cramped, and bloated. Grr...
Posted at 04:23 pm by onalilrampage
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For a Mad scientist
perfection will always be in question
and satisfaction never sequestered ,
burden with incurable itches of curiosity,
surrounded by a loveless audience
I am a mad scientist
on a lil' rampage
© 2004 onalilrampage
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